My balls are so social today.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
