She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Say something about gay babies.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
