omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
