tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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