I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
