There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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