If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is my gift to your gina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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