I heard we made out
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
