My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
