i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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