My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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