I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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