Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
