just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
