I skipped work to stalk him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
