you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
