I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
