apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize