I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
