Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
