Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
