Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
