Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
