come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
