I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
