Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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