Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
