either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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