One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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