I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
