I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
