I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
