He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize