Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
