I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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