just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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