she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You pole danced in your parka.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
