I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize