I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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