Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
