I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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