I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
