sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're like the curious george of whores
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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