I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
