So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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