Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
