I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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