After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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