So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
