I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
