So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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