Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
