i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We left the knife in your bed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
