just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize