How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Umm I'm too high to move.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you win again, gameday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
