He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
