I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize