why didn't you poke me back
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize