i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
