You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
