Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
