he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
