Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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