Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
