Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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