dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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