I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
