It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
