Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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