Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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