He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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