just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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