It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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