but the lizard people decide everything anyway
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How external is "for external use only"?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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