She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
