If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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