I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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