Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
