i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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