i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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