i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
