he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it because I queefed?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
