I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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