If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
