Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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