I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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