Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My dick has a subreddit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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