okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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