she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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