Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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