My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
