How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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