i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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