I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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