The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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