She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
