Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
