once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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