she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
