dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
